I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the day after is always just damage control
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
