just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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