Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
