life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
