Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
