Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
