If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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