My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
