girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
