When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
