Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Randomize
