I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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