I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
