would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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