I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
