I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
