Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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