Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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