It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
