Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
