He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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