There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
