you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
