Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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