Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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