yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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