the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
