when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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