I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
