The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
