what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
