We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
