That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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