Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
