im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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