there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pants are for mortals
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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