That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
