Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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