I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
