My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
