I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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