Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
