Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dick has a subreddit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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