have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
