I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
