You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
