Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
