Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
