dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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