Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
