If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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